Oh my 2011 is over! What a year! H went to boot camp, started his Navy training and I moved from the Dallas area to the Chicago area to be with him. What a HUGE change!! I realized just how southern I am and I fully embrace that, I even quit trying so hard to cover up my southern accent that comes out! Northerners are not my favorite, without getting worked up about what awful drivers they are and how rude they can be, I'll just leave it at that.
With a new year in and an old year out the door, why not make amends and rebuild some bridges while we are at it. I learned the art of "not caring" from my dear husband, he will tell you it only took him 10 years to get me there, but I'm going to take it one step more, I'm going to make better choices about what not to care about and what to just speak my mind about, I hold too much in that would be healthier to just get out. I am who I am, and the older I get the more I realize how terribly exhausting it is to try to please everyone, these days at best anyone really. Hold what is dear and important to you close to your heart and head, be smart and be aware of unintentionally hurting people that DO matter. Go for what you want, and don't let anyone or anything hold you back. Be the controller of your happiness. When you get knocked down, get back up. That's how I plan to take on 2012. Such a nice plan, however I'm not always an optimist, I'm sometimes a pessimist, but most of the time I'm a realist, and I know that there will be times that I will want to cry and times that I will. I have to just remember to keep going.
You may wonder what exactly am I expecting in 2012 to need such a good plan. Well it's because January marks our 2nd cycle of trying for a baby...again. In August we started seeing a fertility specialist and after months of testing and diagnostic procedures I was prescribed 100mg Clomid, for 5 days in November. Blood test showed I did not ovulate at all, prompting our Dr to add Provera to the plan. Christmas break out of state prevented us from being able to start another cycle right away so today is day one of ten on the Provera. I found myself frustrated to tears today over having to take so many drugs in attempt to get my body to do what is normal and so easy for so many other women. It's a dangerous place to be for hubby, living with a woman full of hormonal drugs. I feel for him, I really do between my moments of crying for unknown reasons or being raging mad about yet another newlywed teenager getting pregnant around here, I really do feel bad for him. But he has been my rock, reminding me today that yes it all sucks, and yes it is really unfair at times, and yes I'm going to need these drugs if we want to try, but at least we are getting the chance to try. Thank goodness one of us is of sound mind through this...I have an amazing husband, I know this